We Asked 100 Dudes: Which driving/parking habits rustle your jimmies?

FAM is back with a brand new edition of We Asked 100 Dudes. To have a brand new edition we would need old editions, right? Well, you’re right Einstein. If you want to check those out, have a click and get educated. Make sure to finish this one first. Or don’t, we’re not your father.

You might be asking, “what in the world are rustled jimmies”? If so, we know at least one thing, you’re not internetting at a high level. The rustling of the jimmies is an internet meme (pronounced meem by the way). We’re not here to give you an internet history lesson so read up, but chances are you’ve seen something like this along the way:

Or some variation like this FAM original:

Anyhoo, back to our dudes. FAM has access to the top of the intellectual pyramid. So having that kind of power, we wanted to harness it and take over the world. We are well on our way. This time we wanted to ask our dudes to give us their biggest driving pet peeves. We all have had a bit of road rage at some time or another and the list below sends me to Pluto (again, we can’t be your internet meme history book, find out for yourselves). Oh, and PSA: if you are the person that commits these heinous acts of driving faux pas, please turn in your driver’s license or get with the program. If not, FAM hopes you get a ticket on the way home from work today and we’re not even sorry for wishing this upon you.

“Failure to use turn signal.” – This FAM writer must admit that I fall into this category ONLY if there is literally nobody around. Since I live in the middle of nowhere, that happens often. I do use the signal once I return to civilization, however.

“My peeve is people not using their turn signals.  It infuriates me more than it should.  Besides that, people who hang in the left lane going like 5mph above (at most) and don’t merge over when they’re holding up a line, even though they have room to merge right.  On the other hand if someone is riding my bumper in a single lane when I’m going 10 over, I will either get pissed or slow down even more, depending on the context or what kind of mood I’m in.” – Remember how we talked about everyone has road rage. Well this guy is loaded with it.

“Not inching out into the intersection when turning left without an arrow…related: not turning left on yellow/red” – I think this dude is being sarcastic. Or maybe he’s an anarchist.

“When you’re driving in a parking lot and people diagonal walk across. Get the frick out of the way. Makes me want to run them over.” – While FAM does not condone running people over, we would have no problem with these people receiving a good old lightning strike or two.

“People who don’t use cruise control on the interstate and linger in the left lane. These same people then accelerate to your exact speed when they finally move to the right lane because they’re monsters.” – Using the cruise is an art. Also it takes an IQ of above 70 which most people do not possess.

“Stupid frickers that don’t use the cruise.  People who coast in the passing lane on the interstate” – Hey dude, did you not just hear the guy above? Well, you’re right, it needed to be said again.

“Tailgating, especially in situations where its clear the car being tailgated is moving with the flow of traffic….jesus frick there is no need and its insanely dangerous. ” – The jimmies are definitely rustled with this one.

How about a jimmies meme to ease the tension?

“People who use their smartphones to text and FAM while they drive. For shame.” – Yes, please do not FAM whilst driving. FAM at all other times:  watching sporting events, eating dinner with your family, surfing, etc.

“Driving on the freeway with their passenger doors open so I can’t pass on the shoulder” – Ummm, I don’t think that’s how this works.

“Letting women have a drivers license.” – This dude is stuck in the 19th Century. He probably hates the environment and loves oil rigs or something.

“When people swing out to the left before they make a right hand turn, and vice versa.  It infuriates me.  Also people that are fricking around on their phones at a stoplight and they aren’t ready to go so I miss my light.” – What’s the deal with the tiny fake turns? It’s not 1955. We have power steering. You don’t need that extra two feet to make the turn. At least, you don’t if you can spell your name.

In regards to the diagonal parking lot walkers:

“Just so people understand, I found a diagram”.

“What monster left the shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot? I want to strangle those fatties. “ – In response to the chart above.

“People not letting me out when a light turns green and I am pulling out of a gas station or something.  People who don’t acknowledge with a wave or a nod when I do it.  Fricking inconsiderate bastards.  People who at this gas station order 14 different kinds of lottery tickets,  one of each and can’t decide which ones they fricking want.  It is all tied together.” – These are very specific road rage incidents. I can’t tell if this dude is the victim or the perp.

“Backing into parking spots, left lane drivers, people that drive slow, and people with Obama stickers on their car.” – Ok, what is the big deal about backing into parking spots? This FAM writer isn’t saying he backs in at all times but if nobody is around, what’s the big deal?

“People in heavy traffic that think they can zoom around me in the right hand lane to gain one care length.  I will ride the car in front of me inches away to avoid letting them in. “ – These are the people that change lanes fifty times in heavy traffic and you pass them fifty times because, wait for it…you’re in heavy traffic.

“I hate when people do not comprehend the two lane system on a four lane road. Right for normal flow, left passing. People screw up both, a perfect storm, there is me behind them KMS.” – The passing lane joy riders are probably the all time driving idiots. There is literally no one on Earth that wants to sit in a car with a left lane joy rider. They should all be rounded up and sent to Antarctica (if it even exists of course).

“When your mom posts a picture of your new car on Facebook and tells everyone how proud of you she is but you actually stole the car and the cops saw the post and now you’re going to jail.” – Well, you really can’t get upset at your mom in this situation. FAM blames Mark Zuckerberg.

Another rustle meme:

“When people get in their car turn the motor on, put it in reverse, then just sit there with their foot on the brake but don’t pull out.” – You should just get out and beat on the window.

“It’s a phenomena that seems to exist only in the South.  Stopping where there is not a stop sign to let someone else who is at a stop sign drive.  I don’t understand why people do that.  The worst part is that people do it on during the morning commute/school drop off.  They just stop in the middle of the fucking road and wave someone in.  It makes no fucking sense.  Also, people who don’t know the order of driving when two cars stop at a two-way, three-way or four-way stop sign at the same time.  Person to the right goes first.  It’s not that fucking hard. I have no patience for people who can’t park between the lines in a parking lot.  I don’t care if you have a big car, van, suv, truck or whatever.  You should know how to drive and park your chosen vehicle.” – TL;DR – Road Rage

“I fully believe that if a cop catches you texting while driving, they should be allowed to drag you out of the car and kick the shit out of you.” – Text Lives Matter

“When all of the handicapped spots are filled and I have to park in a normal spot further away.” – Cosmo Kramer.

“I get very nervous whenever I have to park my car in Detroit” – As does every other citizen of Detroit. Hot take dude.

“If someone is driving slowly in the left lane, I’ll either ride like 6 inches off their bumper flashing my brights until they get over, or pass them but keep my left tires in their lane and stay so close that our mirrors almost hit.” – AKA The Kyle Busch

“People who turn out in front of you when you’re the only driver around and it’s a four lane road.  They choose your lane instead of the empty lane.” – This is America though, right?

“People that don’t pay attention to up ahead traffic. We are approaching a steep incline. There is an 18 wheeler in the right lane.  I’m in the left lane.  You’re in the right lane. I’m driving normal speeds approaching you up ahead.  Please be aware that the truck is going to slow down considerably.  You will need to get over to pass.  Don’t wait until I’m up on you and you can’t get over and now you’re mad at me for not slowing down to let you in.” – Jeez dude, we’re not trying to publish a novel here.

“When you’re at a red light on a 2 land road and someone pulls up to the right of you, past all the other cars behind you because apparently they have much more urgent matters that require them to drag race you to get in front. 99% they end up just in front of you at the next light.” – Get out of my way you leisurely bastard.

Last rustle:

“People with handicap plates who drive slow. The hell you trying to protect at this point tink tink?” – Aye dude, that’s my grandma.

“I also hate middle lane pull out guy”

“I’ll piggy back off that the middle lane guy.  When you’re going down a highway at the speed limit or greater, with not a single damn car behind you, and a large truck or bus still pulls out in front of you making you hit the brakes.  This happens to me an uncommon amount.” – Buses should only be allowed to drive from midnight until 6 am.
“Pretty much anything that people who drive in Long Island/NYC do.” – Yes.
In response to the above: “Massholes are worse.” 

“No turn signals sends me to Jupiter. Also when two tractor trailers get next to each other and drag race for about 15 miles going 5 miles over the speed limit. People who can’t decide how fast they want to drive. I have my cruise control set at 75 I pass you you then decide to do 77 and pass me and then slow back down to 73 and this trend continues for about 10 miles until I finally just decide to floor it because I’d rather get a ticket then deal with your bullshit anymore.” – This FAM writer wishes he had an RPG to blow one of the trucks off the road.

 

Well, there you have it folks. A great list of do’s and don’ts that you should take care to follow. If you find yourself in one of these situations, just try and keep calm and check out FAM.

*Not while driving of course!