Top Ten Quotes by Frank Costanza

The show about nothing is certainly about something. It’s the best TV show to ever air regardless of genre. If you don’t think so then I feel sorry for you. Truly I do. One of the best (probably the best) secondary characters is Frank Costanza. Today we take a look at his top ten best quotes.

Also, we are using the term “quote” loosely here. It might just be a one-liner or it might be the entire monologue. You’re not the boss of us.

10. We’re gonna be in the pool. We’re gonna be in the clubhouse. We’re gonna be all over that shuffleboard court!

The Seinfelds were trying to keep the Costanzas out of Florida but Frank was having none of that.

9. Kruger, you couldn’t smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe… I lost my train of thought. 

This is the first quote from the Festivus episode which is probably a top 5 episode of the show.

Fast forward to 1:32 if you want the direct quote but I’d advise you to watch the entire thing because it’s gold, Jerry, gold!

8.  That’s my old move! I used it on Estelle forty years ago! I told everybody about it! Everybody knows! I stopped short!

Kramer is helping out Estelle go to the doc and he inadvertently uses Frank’s old “move”.

7.  Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon croquettes are oily and your eggplant Parmesan is a disgrace to this house!

Frank used to be a great cook in the Army and now “he’s back baybee!”

6.  Wait. Is this the group that goes around mutilating squirrels?

George is converting to Latvian Orthodox for a girl.

5.  They don’t nap. They make it their home. They urinate in there!

Frank and Estelle move to Florida and hilarity ensues.

I couldn’t really find a good YouTube clip of this one so you’ll have to watch this sped up version and go to the last minute on Dailymotion.

4.   Serenity now! 

Lloyd Braun went nuts and he’s trying to take Frank with him although, if we are being completely honest, he didn’t have to carry him very far.

3.  Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

George is explaining how he came up with Festivus to Kramer. If you don’t know what Festivus means then you should think really long and hard about what you are doing with your life.


2.  Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who’s having sex with the hen?

George’s parents are eating dinner with the Ross’ for the first time. He’s freaking out and Frank, well, Frank is being Frank.


1.  Jerry, it’s Frank Costanza. Steinbrenner’s here, George is dead, call me back…What the hell did you trade Jay Buhner for?!? He had 30 home runs, over 100 RBIs last year, he’s got a rocket for an arm, you don’t know what the hell you’re doin’!!

George is trying to get out of work by leaving his car parked all night at Yankee Stadium.  He takes a trip and they can’t find him so naturally, Steinbrenner immediately concludes he is dead.

Ok, that’s all folks. Disagree? Agree? Who cares, let’s discuss on our free message board!

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