National Lampoon’s Vacation: The Rustys and Audreys Ranked

National Lampoon’s Vacation: The Rustys and Audreys Ranked

 

Choosing your favorite movie in the National Lampoon’s Vacation series is like choosing your favorite kid: Sure you love the one that studies and enjoys sports more than the one that eats their own snot and watches Youtube clips of fan made Lord Of The Rings scenes all day, but you just don’t go out and tell people that. Since we can’t, or won’t, rank the greatest comedy franchise of all time, we’ll stick to ranking the revolving door that are the Griswold children.

The Rustys

4. Christmas Vacation Rusty / Johnny Galecki

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A weak showing from an otherwise strong character in the Vacation series, Christmas Rusty just didn’t bring the funny like his predecessors. Untying giant Christmas light knots is hilarious, just not enough.

3. Wally World Vacation Rusty / Anthony Michael Hall

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In a world full of blonde bombshells riding our nation’s interstates in red convertibles, not once did OG Rusty even take a peek. He did however take a gander at Cousin Dale’s fantastic nudie mag collection. Points.

2. Vegas Vacation Rusty / Ethan Embry

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Vegas Vacation Rusty arrived in Las Vegas a shy and naive 15 year old boy but left as Nick Papagiorgio, a 32 year old high roller from Yuma, Arizona. The win is strong in this young buck.

1. European Vacation Rusty / Jason Lively

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How did the dorkiest looking Rusty earn the top spot as our greatest Rusty? By banging a hot young fraulein during Oktoberfest IN Germany, and pimping as an American tourist in Paris while wearing a fly ass beret with his name on it, that’s how.


The Audreys

4. European Vacation Audrey / Dana Hill

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Euro Audrey really should have just stayed at home and necked with her boyfriend from Cobra-Kai. Instead we have to deal with the whiny and overeating Audry, aspects made clear unto the closing credits, right before the Griswold’s plane defaces one of our nations favorite landmarks. Sort of like 9/11.

3. Christmas Vacation Audrey / Juliette Lewis

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I always envied Rusty for getting to sleep in the same bed as a young Juliette Lewis, but of course that kind of stuff only flies south of the Mason-Dixon line. Anywho, Audrey’s frozen eyes scene is gold!

2. Wally World Vacation Audrey / Dana Barron

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By the time OG Vacation Audrey leaves Cousin Eddie’s house she’s more Rasta than all 38 of Bob Marley’s kids combined. I would have expected a stoner to be more chill when they discovered dead Aunt Edna though. Bonus points for modern Dana Barron’s rack.

1. Vegas Vacation Audrey / Marisol Nichols

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Cousin Vickie strikes again this time by luring Vegas Audrey into the dark world of Sin City strip clubs and possibly prostitution. The hottest Aubrey of them all, strangely very Latina, overshadows even Ellen Griswold’s prominent rack in the surprisingly satisfying 4th vacation installment. Marisol Nichols, meow.

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