“News” and trends for the indifferent. We hardly care, but we kinda do.
Budweiser looks to become most patriotic beer in the universe
This summer America’s favorite Belgian owned beer peddler will officially change it’s name to, well, America. Budweiser, the second leading cause of domestic violence in Tennessee behind incestuous infidelity, announced that this summer it will rename its famous lager “America” in a totally cheap yet totally awesome ploy to cash in on the Olympic games in Rio (the country, not the animated movie about a bird). And why not, the US is the great bastion of free market capitalism, let that freedom explode in a cool crisp torrent of suds. Because unless George Washington climbs out of his tomb just to piss in a bottle at the top of Trump Tower there will never be another beer as American as this. God bless you Anheuser-Busch.
Ruthless Curry returns to thrash Blazers in OT
After sitting out most of the 2016 playoffs with a bad knee Steph Curry returned last night to to take the entire city of Portland from behind and slowly open it’s jugular vein in OT to take Game 4 as well as later picking up his consecutive and the first ever unanimous MVP award. Welp, looks like everything’s back in order in the NBA, all hail King
James Curry, benevolent ruler of Cleveland all the NBA.
Watching the throne: Justice Dept. and North Carolina sue each other over weasel draining rights.
Please no more talk about restrooms and transgender people’s (or anyone’s) defecating routines. Just make it stop. OH GOD PLEASE, EVERYBODY POOPS. CAN’T YOU PEOPLE SEE THAT!
The Mysterious Flight of Rudolf Hess
We all know Nazis liked to do Rhine rat things with their Rhine rat friends but what if I told you one of those sick bastards attempted to broker a deal on his own sans Hitler. It went as expected.