A wise man once said “Bros before hoes”. And why not? Girlfriends, wives or whatever you label your current slam donkey come and go but your brosephs are always there come hell or high blood alcohol level. Show your BFF (Best Bro Forever) just how much he means to you all St. Bruh-lentine’s Day, in a strictly platonic and heterosexual way of course.
St. Bruh-lentine’s Day schedule:
9:00 AM – Breakfast – Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and St. Bruh-lentine’s Day is no exception. Treat your BFF to a delicious gravy and cheese infused meal at a greasy spoon of your choosing.
1:00 PM – Afternoon Activity – It’s unlikely you and your #1 Bro are going to a museum or apple picking while half sloshed. A good alternative would be cigar tasting. Delicious, manly and you can also throw down a few tumblers of Scotch.
2:00 pm – Lunch at Dave and Busters – Is there a more underrated spot than Dave and Busters. Good food, beer and the latest arcade shoot’em up games says absolutely not! And if it’s good enough for Beyonce its good enough for you and your BFF.
4:00 PM – Outing at the Zoo – Natures creatures are beautiful and majestic even when they’re dropping titanic deuces in their enclosure. Add in an awesome afternoon of drinking and chiefing on some stank nugs with your best friend and your St. Bruh-lentine’s Day will blast off to the next level. Chances are you’ll never make it out of the petting zoo though. Not with all those awesome goats walking around.
6:00 PM – Arts and Crafts – Creativity and logical thinking are what separates us from filthy apes and ISIS. You and your BFF can exercise your brain as well as prepare a barrel of brew-it-yourself Mr. Beer beer the should be ready just in time for St. Patty’s Day. If there is one thing our founding fathers taught is that brewing beer and creating the greatest nation known to man is better while shitfaced.
8:00 PM – Catch an NBA game – Chances are you don’t live in a city that has an NBA franchise. If you don’t you could always belly up to the local sports bar and yell at LeBron along with the other drunks. If you’re lucky enough to attend a game in person even better. LeBron might actually hear you call him a bum through the nacho cheese in your mouth.
11:00 PM – Strip Club – There is no better way for two men to bond than while watching a naked woman spread eagle inches from their face, climb a chrome pole upside down and awkwardly dance to Pour Some Sugar On Me in hopes of receiving a few dollar bills in her G-string.
4:00 AM – Taco Bell – After an amazing day filled with beer, food, exotic animals, tomahawk dunks and soulless strippers there is only one way to finish off a successful St. Bruh-lentines Day: Hard shell tacos and chalupas at Taco Bell.