Real Life Jimmy Rustling

If you don’t know what having your jimmies rustled means, it simply means that you saw something which offends you or something happened that has pissed you off.


A jimmy rustler is a person who takes great pleasure in seeing others get upset.

Now, I’d like to think that my very own wife is not a jimmy rustler on purpose, but the fact remains that she rumbled my jungles once again.

The Crime

Using my beard trimmer on her pubes.

The anecdotal evidence

We are going for a quick get away this weekend to one of the nicer hotels near Disney World. One of the things that makes living in Florida so much fun is taking our 5 year old son to the theme parks and hanging out by the hotel pools. This is the first pool weekend of the season for us so my wife told me she was going to get a bikini wax during the week.


After her appointment she told me it didn’t come out as well as she had hoped because she had trimmed it herself prior and cut it too short. Is that like cleaning up your house before the housekeeper comes? I’m not sure and the less I think about it, the better. But just how did she trim it?

The physical evidence

I went to trim up my beard this morning using MY OWN Philips Norelco Series 7200 Men’s Electric Beard Trimmer with Vacuum that I had purchased WITH MY OWN MONEY and it had been moved. A sudden yet slow panic began to crawl through my brain. As I located the trimmer I dreaded what I was going to have to do next. Like pulling the coroner’s white sheet back to positively ID a loved one, I opened the chamber that collects the trimmings.

 everyone whisky sleeps GIF

If you have ever swirled a wine or a whisky to watch the tannins cling to the side of a glass then you can understand how my anxiety’s newly grown legs had begun to slide down my psyche. What should have been a few remnants of my own salt and pepper beard clippings from my last trim was instead a swampy marsh of salt and pepper short and curlies left behind by a woman who didn’t know she was supposed to empty the collection chamber after each use.



I emptied it out and cleaned it the best I could before applying it to my face. The good news is it still works. The bad news is, even after several attempts to scrub my face, my grey beard now smells like a grey bush.

Jimmy Status

Officially rustled