On This Day – April 28

1881 – Billy the Kid Escapes From Prison

He looks nothing like Emilio Estevez

An infamous desperado is finally detained, sentenced to hang, and jailed only to escape that night after killing both his guards under the cover of night. Sounds like the plot of a Clint Eastwood flick. Hell, throw in some idiotic racist Native American jokes and it sounds like a failed Adam Sandler western.

Much like his entire life, Billy the Kid’s escape from a New Mexico prison is actually better than fiction. After using an ax to hack off his leg irons, The Kid mounted a stolen horse and rode off into the sunset humming a tune. “I’m a cowboy, on a real horse I ride. And I’m wanted dead or alive.”

 

 

 

1945 – Mussolini Executed

You can’t go around wearing a mushroom head helmet and not expect any consequences.

Benito Mussolini had it all. He was the youngest Prime Minister in the history of Italy, he ruled as a fascist dictator in the great city of Rome, he had all sorts of fly ass uniforms with Roman eagles on them, his nickname ( “Il Duce”) is top five all time, and he kept many mistresses like actress Clara Petacci who was 28 years younger than him.

Then he went and made friends with the Nazis, and the shit hit the fan. Next thing you know the Allies are landing in Sicily and the people you harshly oppressed are bashing your skull in and parading your naked body on the streets. Thanks Hitler.

 

 

 

 

1961 – Muhammad Ali Refuses to Serve in US Army

“First of all I don’t need a gun to kill people. Secondly, I don’t want to kill people.”

How would you have liked to be the guy that had to deliver Muhammad Ali the news that he couldn’t box anymore? “Hey champ, the same government that promotes inequality against people of your race says you can’t make a living being the best at what you do because you refuse to kill other people for them in a pointless war. Welp, catch ya later champ.” What a shame, as had Ali been the son of a rich lawmaker we could have seen several more years of him in his prime beating other men senseless.

 

 

 

1981 – Happy Birthday Jessica Alba

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Si, si…….muy bueno.

The first time most dudes caught a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a bikini, the only reaction that can be published on this SFW site is the Red Foxx heart attack “Oh God, it’s the big one!”.

Today the beautiful Mrs. Alba turns 36 big ones, but even after two kids her assets remain so tight you could bounce a quarter off them. Now that’s some trunk junk that even Fred Sanford would approve of.

 

 

 

 

 

National Superhero Day

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Forget the super powers like strength, laser eyes, flight, being rich or a radioactive angry green giant. The real superheroes are those selfless individuals that take time out of their lives to make the world a better place.

 

Hahahahahahhaha, nah. Super powers are awesome!