National Sandwich Day – The Midnight Sammy

Lets be honest, most of the time when you enjoy a delicious sandwich it is after closing time at your local watering hole and before you fall asleep in a disgusting heap of alcohol, mayo and urine. The following is a list of delicious drunken late night sandwiches in an ascending order of difficulty for the drunken midnight chef.

Chip sandwich

Difficulty: 0 – The potato chip sandwich is the most primal of all sandwiches. Anyone that can walk upright can take a handful of chips, place them on bread and smash them. Of course, IF you can walk upright.


Peanut Butter and Jelly

Difficulty: 1 – Easy enough for a child or an inebriated grown man


Cold Cuts and Cheese

Difficulty: 3 –  As long as all the meats and cheeses are pre sliced there shouldn’t be any issues. Better use squeeze bottle mayo and mustard just in case though


Tuna salad-ish

Difficulty: 5 – Bad things happen when you combine a hard night of drinking and razor sharp tuna can tin edges. Regardless, losing a few pints of blood is a small price to pay for a delicious tuna and mayo and mustard and pickle and jalapeno and sour cream and onion chips sandwich.


Difficulty: 6 – This sandwich forces you to either use the stove or microwave. As we all know, fire is a drunks worst enemy (besides pesky lonely cock blocks at the club) so stick with microwavable bacon. Or just say to hell with it and throw the bacon in a pan. Nothing gets rid of a hangover quite like a grease fire.

crown-candy-blt1-e1340033394403Grilled Cheese

Difficulty: 10 – Constructing a grilled cheese is simple enough with only three ingredients; bread, butter and cheese. But again we run into the worst enemy for someone who can’t distinguish a sock drawer and a toilet, fire. And even if you do make it through the cooking unscathed there is the matter of the molten hot cheese.