National Grilled Cheese Day: How To, Idiot

National Grilled Cheese Day 4-12-2016

By Bruce Harris

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Welcome one and all to the meltiest of national food days.  Whether you take your grilled cheese with gym sock scented curds and fresh, hand picked herbs, or, like a reasonable adult, you eat it the old fashioned way, complete with margarine from a tub and cheese-food wrapped in plastic, this day is yours to rejoice in the most comfortable of all comfort foods!

First lets lay some ground rules:

  1. If you decide to use meat of any kind you have just made a meat and cheese sandwich. That’s not a grilled cheese so GTFO.
  2. If you decide to use vegetables of any kind you have just made an abomination. That’s not a grilled cheese either so GFTO.
  3. If you use mayonnaise on the outside instead of margarine or butter, you are an adventurous spirit and I’ll let that slide.

Now that we have those rules out of the way there are only two ingredients left to ponder: The bread and the cheese.

Bread wise you can’t go wrong with off the shelf store bought white macro breads. We are making a god damn grilled cheese here, not some kind of sidewalk bistro appetizer.  If you absolutely must get crazy with it, then some sourdough bread is pretty clutch, too.

Now for the show’s rock star: The Cheese.

Save all your fancy hipster cheese for that fondue set that’s been sheltering spiders in your attic and stick with the tried and true old fashioned American Cheese-Food that comes individually wrapped in plastic to preserve its awesomeness.  One of the true appeals of the grilled cheese is the nostalgia it brings to mind.  So make it the way your mom did: tub of margarine, Wonder bread and Borden cheese slices.  Then cut it half, or in triangles and say “cheers!”.

Happy National Grilled Cheese Day, ya’ll!

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