National Crayon Day, Crayola’s Cut — A Reason to Execute All 24 Colors

With Crayola announcing on National Crayon Day that they are replacing one of the 24 colors in the iconic box. We say awesome, and provide a reason to get rid of each of the 24 Box colors.

Red — Trying to distance themselves from Russian Menace, Crayola wisely disassociates themselves from the Reds and cuts all ties.

Blue — The execs at Crayola learned from the 2016 Election, and realized everything Blue is just a mirage. Due to lose in the end on that fickle color, the crayon-maker shows blue crayons do not matter in this lawless world.

Green — Green and environmentally friendly is over under Trump, sorry. It’s done, and soon to be replaced by a foul-smelling and likely carcinogenic Rust color. Don’t eat them…

Yellow — It turns out that people ignore yellow crayons like yellow lights. Just a smart move by the wax peddler.

White — Crayola admits the troll is over: White crayons don’t show up for shit, and is actually just a way to smuggle cocaine around the globe.

Orange — Nothing rhymes with it.

Black — Sorry, but black crayons do not matter either. They have also been replaced by orange apparently.

Brown — It’s a shit-tier color.

Violet — Crayola realized, “Shit, we have no purple” and corrected their faux-pas.

Carnation Pink — Homophones win out, it’s salmon damn it!

Yellow Orange — The least used crayon ever, mostly because it kinda looks delicious and dumb kids eat them all.

Blue Green — In the color palate of 2017, colors from the 60’s and 70’s are losing favor… again… we think…

Red Violet — IWBCH, we didn’t know this was a color, and likely many others feel the same.

Violet Red — Umm… this AND Red Violet? Just kill one violetly.

Red Orange —It makes for a decent Italian drink additive but really bad crayon.

Yellow Green — The color you least likely to see on your hotel sheets gets the nix for that very disgusting reason.

Green Yellow —See violet red. Cut this shit out Crayola.

Blue Violet — In an effort to curb domestic violence in homes, kids can no longer draw the bruises mommy gets from daddy.

Dandelion — Nobody wants them, not in their lawn, not in their damn salad, and certainly not in their crayon box.

Cerulean — We’re pretty sure this is not a crayon, but rather a form of cancer, so best we zap it.

Apricot — The far superior peach finally wins out in the crayon game, replacing the color commonly known as “peach without fuzz”.

Scarlet — The troll is up Ohio. It’s freaking RED and the crayon-makers are onto you!

Indigo — Nothing good came of the indigo trade, indigo snakes are almost extinct, and need we bring up the Indigo Girls in Mike Pence’s America?

Gray — Studies showed troubled kids preferred gray, so to improve the mental health of youth they are dropping the depressing color.