May 9, 1992 – Final Episode of The Golden Girls Airs

There is about 475 years of combined sexual knowledge in this picture.

What was it that made The Golden Girls television’s number one show for seven seasons? Was it the unique relationship between four elderly women looking for their place in a modern world that’s quickly passing them by? Did the show fill the void left by those that had lost mothers or those that didn’t want to actually visit their mothers? Maybe at that time viewers wanted a reprieve from testosterone driven shows like Baywatch, Walker: Texas Ranger, or Mama’s Family. The answer is none of the above. The real reason The Golden Girls lasted for so long was it’s smouldering sex appeal.

You may be saying to yourself, “Hey you sick bastard, these women are old enough to be my grandmother!”, and you would be right. But any man who watched The Golden Girls that tells me they didn’t fantasize about a romantic dinner of natural diuretics and Metamucil with Betty White followed by a bedroom romp is a goddamned liar. How can you call yourself a man if you didn’t feel a slight tingle in your nether regions while listening to southern belle Blanche Devereaux go into specifics about one of her many sexual encounters or imagine Bea Arthur’s strong manly hands caressing a younger, more curious woman as they delicately explore their bodies and pleasure each other in was only women can.

Maybe The Golden Girls weren’t what you would call “cougars”, more like beat down silver foxes, but that didn’t stop them from revolutionizing the MILF movement nearly a decade before American Pie. So next time you listen to The Golden Girls theme song Thank You For Being A Friend and you feel that rush of blood coursing through your extremities don’t feel ashamed. Instead remember that art mimics real life and take joy in the fact that somewhere out there an elderly woman is yearning to show a young buck how folks got nasty during the Eisenhower administration. And she has three other horny friends too.