May 19, 2161 – Syzygy, eight of the nine planets align

syzygy
A nine planet alignment is also called a solar erection.

What is Syzygy? Is it some sort of delicious Eastern European sandwich with head cheese, kraut and brown mustard? Is it Nebraska’s starting fullback’s last name? Is it Motley Crue’s new lead guitarist? No, no and no. Syzygy is the name of a celestial phenomena that is either just a strange mathematical occurrence or the destruction of mankind as we know it.

While there is no data to suggest that the alignment of all of our solar system’s important planets (not counting the bastard child Pluto) will actually cause a catastrophic tear in the fabric of time and space, there is also no evidence that says it will not.

An eight planet Syrygy occurs roughly every 500 years. If that’s the case then the last planetary alignment didn’t destroy the universe. But why would it, in fact why wouldn’t it destroy the universe 1000 years ago or 1500 years ago yet in 2161 it would blow our asses into cosmic dust? The answer is simple, because we as a human race have become TOO advanced. Yep, by 2161 there is no telling how technologically dangerous to the universe we might become. And if you think that sits well with out galactic watchers that eternally police our sector of the galaxy you have another thing coming. Because as soon as we have the chops to create a damn Death Star, BOOM, lights out you homo sapien bastards!

Keep in mind that the next eight planet Syzygy is almost 150¬†years away, so don’t bother rounding up your friends and family to drink cherry and anthrax flavored Kool-Aid. Nobody is sure what will happen or if humanity will have changed it’s current course to become a boring one race species of vegetable eating, asexually reproducing, peace loving people that has successfully out-evolved the urge to smoke, drink alcohol or randomly strike other humans. By the time that happens we will all be praying for a supernova to take us out of our misery.