July 8, 1947 – US Army Recovers Flying Saucer Near Roswell, NM

This tin foil is clearly extraterrestrial. If you look at this symbol next to the mustard stain you can see it has been made by non human intelligent life.

You don’t have to be a tin foil hat wearing conspiracy freak to know that the American government has physical evidence that proves the existence of extraterrestrial life. Sure, they deny to have such knowledge even with the most damning proof imaginable, an actual news bulletin put out by the RAAF stating that they indeed had a crashed flying saucer in their possession. So make up your mind and come clean with the American people: Do you or do you not have the rotting carcass of a hideous grey alien in a Nevada mountain bunker?

According to the RAAF (Roswell Army Air Field) press release to the Roswell Daily Record, personnel from the army base recovered a “flying saucer” from a nearby ranch. Along with the press release there where also a series of pictures showing several Andy Griffith looking individuals in military attire holding what look to be strange debris. The following day the military was quick to relabel the flying saucer to a weather balloon and for the next 30 years the American public happily swallowed Uncle Sam’s load.

Unfortunately for Big Brother, in the 67 years since the alien crash a little thing called the internet has blown the lid off the biggest conspiracy this nation has known. Thanks to highly credible anonymous sources and grainy half century old video we know that the government not only have an alien spaceship, they also have the little green men that fly them. Why keep this from the general population? Is there an agreement with the powers that be and the extraterrestrial travelers? Are we all part of a plot to mix alien and human species, particularly buxom alien sex servants knowledgeable in all of the galaxies erotic arts and website writers with a penchant for history? We will never know.