Did you know? Fat Tuesday

A few interesting facts about Fat Tuesday

– Mardis Gras is the final day before Ash Wednesday which marks the first day of Lent through Easter Sunday.

“Meet me at the confession booth and show me how you sinned on Bourbon Street last night, child.”

– According to the Christian Gospels, Christ endured temptation by Satan for 40 days while in the wilderness. Whether Jesus bought all of his disciples Hurricanes, threw beads at Mary Magdalene and chowed down on a Muffuletta before heading out to the desert is unknown.

“GTFO Satan, you can’t borrow my cell phone. Besides, I only have one bar out here anyway.”

– Mardis Gras in French means Fat Tuesday as it is the final day for Christians before 40 days of pretend atonement. Traditionally Christians enjoy on last hurrah of slothfulness and drunkeness but in recent times have added the ever popular showing of the tits.

Drink up pal, it’s gonna be a long 40 days.

– In the US Mardi Gras is mainly observed in areas of the Southeast once held by the colonial French. The American capital of Fat Tuesday is New Orleans where our nations brightest college students gather to expose themselves in exchange for worthless plastic beads and at one time a chance of instant fame in the skeezy Girls Gone Wild franchise.

Mardi Gras Parades
Beads, alcohol poisoning and rivers of urine.

– The world famous Brazilian Carnaval, (Carnavale meaning farewell to the flesh in Latin) is in fact a tropical Mardis Gras. The South American nation has wowed the world with its parades, all day parties and uncomfortably attractive half naked transsexual samba dancers. Fat Tuesday in Brazil is not complete without a person with the body of Marissa Miller and the face of Ronaldinho.

Mardi Gras downtown
Brazil’s second national sport is “Guess Who Has A Dick and Balls”

– In England and some Nordic countries believers traditionally eat pancakes. Yep, bunch of cake eaters over there.

How are women supposed to flash their titties if they’re busy flipping pancakes while running full speed? Unless they’re bringing my drunk ass pancakes I suppose. Well played, England.

– The Polish enjoy a doughnut like pastry called the Paczki but they celebrate it on Thursday before Ash Wednesday called Tłusty Czwartek. Why on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday like everyone else? It’s the Polish, who knows.

If you don’t buy 40 Paczki’s today and freeze them for every day of Lent then you’re an idiot.