Champion of the Week

Anyone that knows anything about classic rock knows the lyrics to Ted Nugent’s classic hits Wango Tango and Cat Scratch Fever, and knows them word for word. Even if you don’t, there’s still a good chance you’ve walked into a bar with the bass line to Stranglehold going through your head while 100% positive you would either bang the hottest chick there or whoop somebody’s ass, or both. For many, Ted Nugent’s music and his “Rock and Roll” attitude embody the free spirit of America. For others, like the people of Longview, Texas, Uncle Ted’s 30 year old music isn’t enough to cover blatant racism and xenophobia (not to mention a terrible soul patch).

nugent-500
You face is a Maserati, a Maserati, a Maserati.

That’s right, Longview, TEXAS. In a state where conservatism and bald eagle t-shirts reign supreme, a town decided that Ted Nugent was a little TOO far to the right. So when Nugent was quoted saying that President Obama was a “subhuman mongrel” the good people of Longview decided that instead of paying Ted Nugent $32,000 to play at its annual Fourth of July bash it would instead eat half the amount and pay the Nuge $16,000 TO NOT show up.

“Everyone knows ol’ Uncle Ted is the ultimate Independence Day rock out with the ultimate all-American, soul music, rockin’ soundtrack of defiance, liberty and freedom,” Nugent said of himself in the third person. “We shall carry on. We are the good guys. Clueless, dishonest people like the mayor are the bad guys. I hear from reliable sources that the mayor is a racist and was offended that my band performs mostly African-American-influenced music. Sounds like a sad case of anti-Texas in Texas.”

Ok, Uncle Ted. You play soul music? A soundtrack of defiance? How about a soundtrack for dudes with grey balls! When is the last time you wrote a hit song? 1977? Yeah, you did go on to hold down lead guitar duties in the Damn Yankees, a super group formed back in, what, like 1989?

damn-yankees-50c8b543c53de
“I was told we were going to be a 3 piece”-Tommy Shaw

But come to think of it, how in the hell can you still comand $30,000 per gig? How have you kept yourself relevant after all these years OF NOT producing any good, new music? Oh yeah, that’s right…you run your mouth to anyone that will listen about how your lifestyle and your politics are better than anyone else’s. If All-American Defiance is based on Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll, you are probably too old for the Sex and too irrelevant for the Rock N Roll…and we all know your stance on anyone who dares drink a beer or light up a joint. Do us a favor, Teddy, and go play with some grizzly bears in your loin cloth with your buck knife.

loincloth
Ewwww…

For having the stones to stand up to the Nuge and Just Say No to his brand of moth ball music, Longview, TX, you are this week’s FirstAndMonday.com Champions of the Week.  By the way, if you still need a band, we suggest The Delta Riot.

delta riot
New Album out now on iTunes!