FAM’s Headline of the Day: July 30th, 2018
A GOP candidate has been accused of being a ‘devotee of Bigfoot erotica’ by his Democratic opponent in the Virginia House race. If true, Denver Riggleman likes to get freaky. And thats okay.
“Leslie has been traveling throughout the district meeting with real people about real issues that matter to them,” Louise Bruce, Cockburn’s campaign manager, told The Daily Progress on Sunday. “Meanwhile, Mr. Riggleman is home scrubbing his social media of ‘Bigfoot erotica’ and who knows what else.”
Listen, this is 2018, and you can be a Nazi who’s obsessed with Bigfoot’s dick and still run for public office. You can also be a communist who doesn’t know the difference in that and socialism and think pedophiles deserve protected class rights. Its a topsy turvy mixed up world we currently live in.
We are hoping the debates will be televised.
Cockburn: You sir, are a Sasquatch pornography viewing degenerate.
Riggleman: Shut the fuck up, you stupid liberal cuck.
Cockburn: Cuck?!? I’m not the one who pays truckers to put on bear skin rugs and hollow out my wife, allegedly.
Riggleman (concealing erection): Well, if that makes me a cuck, then sign me up and call me Bernie Sanders, for the bible says we have dominion over the beasts. And half beasts.
*sees Bigfoot trending*
"Oh nice did they finally find it?"
— Gino Zarrillo (@KeepItGino) July 30, 2018